My beloved Father/Baba yangu mpendwa
May 5th, 2008
They say when it is dark enough,
You can see the stars.Now it is dark enough,
Where on earth are the stars.
That was the poem I started to write when I entered my car to drive home from work in January 2008, after receiving a text message from my cousin that my father’s sickness became worse. She asked me to take the next flight to Tanzania if I could. I left the next day, but my father past away just after my plane landed in Dar es Salaam, it was the midnight of January 26th 2008, I did not get a chance to see him. My dad has achieved a lot in his life: he was a teacher, he wrote mathematics books, and was a dedicated worker for UNESCO offices in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi. Today I do not feel like writing about his work, but I do feel the need to write about his last visit here in United States, May 2007. This was the time when he developed the taste of Chinese food. This was the last time he visited us and left us laughing and shocked about his new love of Chinese food: Also I will write about my adventure of cooking trying to impress my father.
My father was never a restaurant person, unless he wanted to go out to eat Nyama Choma (Swahili Barbeque meat), or when he treated his children to a restaurant. The second day after he arrived in New York, May 2007, my younger sister and I, took him to a Chinese buffet. After that day, we went to a Chinese buffet every second day. He would come up with every excuse to go to a Chinese buffet. Though he did not eat much, but he enjoyed the vegetables and a variety of sea food that the restaurant offered. My sister and I always laugh when we talk about dad’s last visit. It was very funny to see dad trying to convince us in every way to go to a Chinese buffet. It is a funny memory. He was very relaxed during that trip, he even promised to come back in October 2007 to stay for at least three month.
Sometimes I wonder! May be he did not want his daughters to cook. That could be the reason of taking us to a restaurant often. For some reasons, my father never liked to see his daughters in the kitchen. As a teenager, I had to ask for food, he feared that I would hurt my fingers in the kitchen. This was the opposite of African culture where a teenage girl would be encouraged to cook, yet my father thought it was a bad idea that his daughters would be reminded that their place was in the kitchen.
That reminds me the first time I decided to prepare dinner at home, I was trying to make a point to my father, that I was a young lady and I could cook. I was 21 years old I believe. I cooked a very simple and nice dinner. After dinner, I was happy that my father was impressed by my food.
Ten years later, my father reminded me of my first dinner that I prepared for the family. He told me how bad it was, but he did not want to hurt my feelings on that day, since he new I worked very hard. He also told me that he did not go for a walk that day after dinner, but to a restaurant to eat. I laughed when he told me that, because new that dinner was not as good as I wanted. Being the father that he was, he could have never hurt my feelings, he told me the truth ten years later after I became a confident cook. I later learned that when I went back to collage my younger sister tried to do the same thing, just as I, the food was not good at all, but as usual, dad gave her 100 out of 100.
My father was happy when he learned that I was publishing recipes in one of Tanzania’s leading magazine BANGTZ (I do not publish with this magazine any more). He encouraged me and also gave me a few ideas of other things related to my hobbies.
My younger sister and I decided to go home for Christmas 2005, to be with our parents. I prepared dinner that day for my family and relatives. For some reasons I decided to prepare American dinner, which was a big risk. My father enjoyed my food and he never forgot that day. Only this time he was sincere.
As I am celebrating dad’s birthday today, I remember him at meal time. I remember his smile and jokes that he made on my big plans. He loved all his children, and made jokes about our plans, but many jokes were made on me for my big plans. Even my sister and brother always laugh at my never ending Ideas. I can see dad saying “Ohooo, HUYU MTOTO WANGU BWANA!” meaning “Ohooo this child of mine”.
They say when it is dark enough,
You can see the stars.Now it is dark enough,
Where on earth are the stars.
Hili ni shairi nililoanza kuandika baada ya kuingia kwenye gari langu wakati natoka kazini mwezi wa kwanza mwaka 2008, baada tu ya binamu yangu kunitumia ujumbe kupitia simu kuwa baba anaumwa sana. Binamu yangu aliniomba nirudi nyumbani haraka iwezekanavyo. Nikapanda ndege siku inayo fuata, lakini baba alifariki baada tu ya mimi kutua na ndege usiku tarehe 26 mwezi wa kwanza. Sikupata muda wa kuongea nae. Ingawa baba yangu alifanikiwa kimaisha: Alikuwa mwalimu, aliandika vitabu vya hesabu na alikuwa kati ya wafanya kazi bora wa UNESCO. Leo siji siKii kuandika mambo kuhusu mafanikio yake ofisini, bali nataka kuongelea kuhusu safari yake ya mwisho alipokuja kutuona mwaka jana mwezi wa tano huku Umarekani. Ghafla alipenda mapishi ya kichina sana, mbaka sisi tulikuwa tunacheka. Pia nitaandika kuhusu wakati nilipokuwa najitahidi kumuonyesha baba kuwa nilikuwa mpishi mzuri.
Baba yangu hakuwa mtu wa kula kwenye mahoteli, kama sio Nyama choma au kupeleka watoto wake. Siku ya pili baada ya kufika New York kututembelea, mimi na mdogo wangu wa kike tulimpeleka baba kula kwenye Chinese buffet. Lakini baada ya siku hiyo, baba alikuwa anatafuta kila sababu ili turudi kula kwenye hoteli ya Kichina. Lakini alikuwa hali sana zaidi ya mboga na samaki. Ni kitu ambacho mimi na mdogo wangu tunacheka mpaka leo vile baba alivyokuwa anajitahidi kutafuta kila sababu ili tukale kwenye hoteli ya Kichina. Ni kumbukumbu nzuri na ya kuchekesha sana.
Lakini wakati mwingine nafikiria alikuwa akifanya hivyo ili sisi watoto wake wa kike tusisumbuke jikoni. Kwa sababu fulani, baba hakupenda watoto wake wa kike wapike. Nilipokuwa bado msichana baba alitaka kama nikitaka chakula niulize kiletwe. Alikuwa anadai eti nitajiumiza vidole jikoni. Hii ni tofauti kutokana na mila za Kiafrika, maana mtoto wa kike anategemewa ajifunze kupika. Lakini baba alikuwa anaona ni kitu kibaya kwamba sisi tukumbushwe mahali petu ni jikoni.
Hii inanikumbusha mara yangu ya kwanza nilipo jaribu kumuonyesha baba kuwa naweza kupika. Naamini nilikuwa na miaka 21. Nilipika chakula kizuri cha jioni. Nilifurahi sana kumuona baba naye amefurahia mapishi yangu.
Baada ya miaka zaidi ya kumi hivi, nakumbuka baba alinikumbisha mlo nilio mtengenezea mara ya kwanza. Akaniambia kuwa kile chakula nilichopika mara ya kwanza kilikuwa kibaya sana, lakini hakutaka kuniumiza kwa kuniambia ukweli maana alijua nilijitahidi sana jikoni. Tena aliniambia kuwa baada ya mlo siku ile, hakuenda kutembea, bali alienda kula hotelini. Nilicheka sana maana nilijua siku ile sikupika chakula kizuri: lakini baba yangu ni mtu ambaye alikuwa hapendi kuumiza watoto wake. Ndio maana aliamua kuniambia ukweli baada ya miaka kumi kupita. Wakati huo alijuwa kuwa nimeshakuwa mpishi mzuri sana. Baadae niliambiwa kuwa mdogo wangu wa kike naye alijaribu kumpikia baba kwa mara ya kwanza, nae alipika chakula kibaya, lakini baba akampa 100 ya 100.
Baba alifurahi sana aliposikia kuwa naandaa mapishi ambayo yalikuwa yanachapishwa katika gazeti moja linalo julikana kwa jina la BANGTZ (Siandai mapishi katika gazeti hili kwa hivi sasa). Aliniongeza moyo na kunipa ushauri wa mambo mengine ninayoweza kufanya.
Noeli ya mwaka 2005, mimi na mdogo wangu tuliamua kwenda nyumbani kupumzika na wazazi wetu. Mimi ndo nilikuwa mpishi mkuu wa siku hiyo kuu, nikapika chakula cha wageni na ndugu. Nikathubutu kupika chakula cha kizungu kwa ndugu zangu. Baba alipenda sana chakula nilichopika. Lakini wakati huu alisema ukweli.
Leo nasherehekea siku ya kuzaliwa baba yangu, namkumbuka sana wakati tukiwa mezani: akifurahi na kucheka mipango yangu ambayo alidai ilikuwa mingi. Alipenda sana watoto wake wote, lakini alikuwa akipendelea sana kucheka kuhusu mimi na mipango yangu mingi ambayo haiishi. Hata wadogo zangu nao wakaanza kucheka na baba kuhusu mipango yangu. Ni kama vile namuona baba akisema “Ohooo, HUYU MTOTO WANGU BWANA”.
17 Comments Add your own
1. luihamu. | May 7th, 2008 at 7:27 am
MARIAM,NAOMBA ANUANI YAKO YA EMAIL.
2. Manisha | May 7th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I am so sorry about your loss. You have painted such a beautiful image of your father and how he loved his daughters. May his soul rest in peace. And may you continue to find solace and comfort in the memories you made together.
3. Roslyn | May 8th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Thank you for sharing the intimacy and love shared by your family. It was written with such flavor I actually felt a personal sense of lost that I know you must feel not having this wonderful man/your dad still here on this side of heaven. Knowing the love he gave has truly landed him a spot in heaven, feel the blessings of him as your special angel watching, protecting and loving. Knowing the little
i”ve grown to know about you i’m sure he looks down with a smile on his face as you have made him proud!
4. Miriam | May 10th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Thank you Manisha and Roslyn. I believe his spirit is around us everyday.
Miriam
5. Miriam | May 10th, 2008 at 1:29 am
Luihamu Dear,
Natumaini ushapata email yangu by now. Tuwasiliane.
6. Mickey Jones | May 11th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Miriam,
Sorry for your Dad,may God take over and rest him in peace,as Tanzanian and one of your daily visitors in your blog, I share your sorrows,again, thanks for your work,one of the very best Tanzanian food recipes of all time….more comments to follow at your info@mirecipe.com
7. Amina | May 12th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Pole sana!
Thank you for sharing with us this wonderful story!
I’ve just discovered your website and i love all the recipes that are present!!
8. Veronica NY | May 13th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Very sorry for your loss,
What a loving sweet father he was….I do not even know you..I read your words and I see that this Beautiful sprited soul (you father) was the other side of the mirror that you stand and look at yourself from.
Pole sana and May his soul rest in eternal peace.
9. mwandani | May 14th, 2008 at 11:22 am
nilikuwa sijapita hapa siku nyingi. pole.
10. Egidio Ndabagoye | May 31st, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Pole sana pamoja nimechelewa.Mimi nilisoma hisabati mpaka kidato cha 6 na kitabu nilichokuwa nakitumia saana ilikuwa ni “Kinunda” na kilinisaidia sana.
R.I.P Mzee Kinunda
11. alice | June 4th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Asante kwa kutukumbusha habari hii ambayo ina tia furaha na huzuni lakini mungu ndiye alimpenda baba nasi hatuna budi kumwombea huko aliko apunzike kwa amani!!
God bless you na usiache kutupa makala za chakula kwani kuna siku nami nilipika chapati za maji na maembe ya sukari kwa kuchemsha nyumbani kwangu walifurahi sana kwani ilikuwa siku yangu ya kwanza kujifunza kupika chapati za maji miaka yaote huwa sipiki ile kitu but siku ile watu walipata appetite si mchezo kila mmoa alitaka aongeze tena na tena kwa hiyo usiache na tunashukuru kwa makala yako!!
12. Waukweli | June 9th, 2008 at 6:06 am
Jamani sisy Mariam pole dear wangu,Mungu atakubariki kwa kila kitu unachokifanya katika maisha yako,pole sana.Sali sana na utabarikiwa kwa kila kitu ukifanyacho,Mimi naamini Baba yupo nawe siku zote za maisha yako,na kwa kila kitu ukifanyacho duniani hapa.Nakupenda na 2popamoja katika Sara.
Waukweli Hapa!
13. Matilda | June 10th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Jamani sisy Mariam pole sana,Nasi tupo nyuma yake,Tumuombee kwa mungu apumzike kwa amani.
Waukweli.blogspot.com
14. serina | June 11th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Sorry for your loss Miriam. It takes a lot to reflect on all the good times but in a sense it must be great with a celebration of life that left you with all these wonderful memories. And I’m definitely glad you didn’t give up on the kitchen issues.
15. Edith Sangai | June 26th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Pole sana for the loss of your dad, apparently he was a sweet dad and you definitely miss him its a good thing that you cherish the sweet memories you shared with him.May his soul rest in eternal peace.
(We lived in the same town with you in upstate New York-Canton)
16. Tanzanian Female | June 30th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Hi Miriam,
Iam sorry for your loss. This is the second blog today Im visiting where someone gave a tribute to their beloved parent/parents who has/have passed away.
Inrecent years I have come to realize how deeply I love my parents. Sijui ndio utu uzima. I love them more than I love myself. I can only imagine the pain that you are going/went through. But Im sure your father is a peaceful soul since he has raised such a good woman (I can tell even though I dont know you)
By the way, my dad never used to mind his daughters not being in the kitchen too. One day my mother travelled (she loves cooking and always does everyday to this day) and I had to cook. Wali wangu ukatoka vibaya sana. I didnt want to serve him because I knew how picky he is with his food. But he said I should give him the food anyway. Since then, Im proud to say I cook edible food and get credit for it. What is it with us girls trying to impress our fathers?
.
Sorry for the long post. You just touched me! Thanks for the recipes too. I’ll give them a try.
I wish you well.
17. Mattylda R.Ishungisa | July 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Ohhh God! RIP your dad! i never know before this site,very sorry for your loss, am really crying after read your poem bcoz i also lost my father since 2005 and i can’t forget his love to me anymore.
Stay praying my dear knowing that only God is able and is there for us and is only soln.
RIP my lovely Dad and all ppl who passed away around the world!
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed